There's got to be a better way. I currently use an old version of nostrudel without outbox relay connections. I don't have any major discovery/content issues at the moment, but I wouldn't know if I did?
This tradeoff just seems to big to not be optional. I hope your project succeeds, but until that option arrives, I won't be advocating the use of it or any client that heavily utilizes outbox connections like this without an alternative. I've already voiced my opinions of amethyst.
